Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wtf So Damn Nice
Listen to the one above first omg. When i first saw it already cinta sekali pandang.
You are my
Turn around,
Turn around and fix your eye in my direction
So there is a connection.
Now I can't speak,
I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention
I'm staring at perfection.
Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are.
You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger,
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.
I'm broken, abandoned; you are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight.
I'm confident,
But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you.
I knew you could see right through me
I saw my life flash right before my very eyes
And any chance what we turn into
I was hoping that you could see
Take a look at me so you can see...
You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger,
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.
I'm broken, abandoned; you are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight.
You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight.
Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are...
Your beauty seems so far away
I'd have to write a thousand songs
To make you comprehend how beautiful you are.
I know that I can't make you stay
But I would give my final breath
To make you understand how beautiful you are.
Understand how beautiful you are.
You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.
I'm broken, abandoned; you are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight.
You call me a stranger...
You say I'm a danger...
You call me a stranger...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Ah Ryn's Tag
1 ) At what age do you wish to marry?
Anytime I feel its correct.
2 ) If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
How are you? :D
3 ) If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Kelvin - So he can do the hunting for food la, either that or he chops himself for food since he has alot to spare.
Aaron - Thus, i can still remember to call someone lame lolol and also he can swim in search of another island. He's a lifeguard btw
Su Yang- Err...kinda doubt having him along you see cause when he's hungry its a lil dangerous with 4 guys on a deserted island.
4 ) Where is the place you want to go the most and with whom?
A place with extremely beautiful scenery. New Zealand perhaps? with someone i don't mind spending alot of time with. Loved one perhaps.
5 ) If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
To know whats going on in your mind.
6 ) Do you believe you can survive without money?
Err..i'd like to know who can so i can learn. if Su Yang is counted a survivor then i think i can too.
7 ) What are you afraid to lose the most?
THE important ones closest to me.
8 ) If you win 1 million, what would you do?
Err..put it into the bank and i don't have to work anymore?
9 ) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Hard to answer lo..depends.
10 ) List out the good points of the person who tagged you.
HAHAHAHAHA this is the best part. O K i tink im done ad.. =)
11 ) What am i doing now?
Whatever.
12 ) Which type of person do you hate the most?
People that create a new nest prior to destroying their current one.
13 ) What is your ambition?
I just know it is to be rich.
14 ) What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
Don't get the question.
15 ) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family, friends, money and ourself.
16 ) Are you a shopaholic or not?
So far not but i can be i guess.
17 ) What do you see when you look into a mirror?
The Great Me.
18 ) Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Currently very diversified you see..Von, Yang..thats bout it lah lol
19 ) What is your desired age to lose ur virginity?
Whenever it is the CORRECT time.
20 ) What are you afraid of?
Reptiles..snakes..yea it gives me the creeps and and hate to admit but also afraid of failing..in all aspects.
Anytime I feel its correct.
2 ) If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
How are you? :D
3 ) If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Kelvin - So he can do the hunting for food la, either that or he chops himself for food since he has alot to spare.
Aaron - Thus, i can still remember to call someone lame lolol and also he can swim in search of another island. He's a lifeguard btw
Su Yang- Err...kinda doubt having him along you see cause when he's hungry its a lil dangerous with 4 guys on a deserted island.
4 ) Where is the place you want to go the most and with whom?
A place with extremely beautiful scenery. New Zealand perhaps? with someone i don't mind spending alot of time with. Loved one perhaps.
5 ) If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
To know whats going on in your mind.
6 ) Do you believe you can survive without money?
Err..i'd like to know who can so i can learn. if Su Yang is counted a survivor then i think i can too.
7 ) What are you afraid to lose the most?
THE important ones closest to me.
8 ) If you win 1 million, what would you do?
Err..put it into the bank and i don't have to work anymore?
9 ) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Hard to answer lo..depends.
10 ) List out the good points of the person who tagged you.
HAHAHAHAHA this is the best part. O K i tink im done ad.. =)
11 ) What am i doing now?
Whatever.
12 ) Which type of person do you hate the most?
People that create a new nest prior to destroying their current one.
13 ) What is your ambition?
I just know it is to be rich.
14 ) What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
Don't get the question.
15 ) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family, friends, money and ourself.
16 ) Are you a shopaholic or not?
So far not but i can be i guess.
17 ) What do you see when you look into a mirror?
The Great Me.
18 ) Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Currently very diversified you see..Von, Yang..thats bout it lah lol
19 ) What is your desired age to lose ur virginity?
Whenever it is the CORRECT time.
20 ) What are you afraid of?
Reptiles..snakes..yea it gives me the creeps and and hate to admit but also afraid of failing..in all aspects.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Challenge or Dream
Every human faces challenges in life. Some tougher than others yet this is what keeps us awake and aware of what we know now. Without these challenges, we wouldn’t be who we are now. We wouldn’t be as tough we know we are. We wouldn’t be able to stand up as swiftly if we fall now. We wouldn’t dry our tears as quickly if we shed one now. Challenges bring upon motivation and determination upon ourselves to grow. And grow we did. But has the challenges ended? Certainly not. It bombards upon us as often as we take a leak in the toilet. Little do we know but we face challenges daily, small ones it may be. How bout the big ones? The ones which really sucks up the life of you. The ones which would take all your wits and every last drop of sweat to complete. These are the ones which has such a huge impact on ourselves that it changes the course of our life. Of course, we are unaware of such impacts because it is part of the challenge, to be unaware of such changes. Let’s take it to a simpler level. We, as humans have to face difficulties which have landed right at our feet. It may range from education to family problems. Some may find these challenges a bitch and is a freaking nuisance but some others, may find it…challenging.. or perhaps, a i-have-to-win kind of situation.
I’m going to relate this to problems of a relationship. Challenge, the relation, the person, the outcome. In a situation where love becomes the challenge, a thought if the relation works out comes into place. There are those that take such situations as challenges. They regard the pursuit as a challenge thus they put their all into that wild pursuit. It may seem like a ‘I want’ at the moment but truth be told its actually a ‘I must’ deep inside. These are the people who, instinctively take things for granted. These are those who have the desire to own but loses such desire when owns. These are the people that have no sense of appreciation of hard work. These are the people who for some reason find satisfaction just by knowing “I won”. Put these group of people together with those who really put their heart into whatever they do and later APPRECIATE the effort, would be a real torture to the latter. To put things easier, its an extreme selfish act to do so. Just imagine yourself being the trophy, WHICH is later thrown away. It sucks pretty bad. Next, imagine yourself being the one throwing. It should suck extremely bad if you know exactly what you’re doing. You’re tearing your completed answer sheet at the end of an examination. A dumb and reckless act. To set academic results as challenges, sports or games as challenges, would be alright. In fact, it would be good cause it drives the sense of determination. But to put someone you like or in some cases, love, as the challenge is THAT much absurd.
Moving on to dreams. Speaking of dreams, we instantly imagine our goals and our wants. Be rich, be happy, be with our family or to be at the top of the world. Everyone has their own dream. Stuff that they wish they have or wish they would have. Such is dreams of every human. Every part of a man which says the “ I want” is a dream partially. Well, then it goes on to the part where we say, “a dream will forever be a dream if you don’t make it happen”. This, I undoubtedly agree. Those who dream but only lay back taking neither initiatives nor actions to achieve such dreams will forever be a dreamer. Those who take that extra step, who do that extra much, would possibly not become dreamers anymore, but achievers. To those who have taken that extra step, my greatest respects. To those who have yet to take that extra step, I strongly recommend doing it the moment you are able to. Comicly, a light bulb appearing beside my mind shows me that the song dedicated to such people would be “If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating”.
Listen to this song, and take note of the last sentence of the song. Back onto the topic, I, for instance, have my dreams. I have taken few steps though not all to achieve such dreams but I positively I feel, at least I did so. Thus, I relate dreams once again to issues such as relationships. Take a time off reading my post thus far, take a minute or two and ask yourself “What is my dream in a relationship?”
*************
Done? What do you think of your answer? Had hesitations answering yourself? Whatever your dreams are, are you any step closer to it? If yes, I’ll say “great success!” if it’s a no, I’ll say “don’t worry, it’s never too late”. In a relationship, happiness might be the dream, love might be it, the person whom you love may be the dream as well. To say that someone is our dream is to say that person is at the end of my journey in heaven, that person is the achievement of our life. To set such a dream would be equivalent to making a statement of commitment. To step upon such commitment is not a shame but pride to do so. Walk upon it proudly.
Having said about challenges and dreams, I guess it all comes back to me now.
To fight or to chase
To compete for or to run after
To be victorious or to be successful
To be rewarded or to achieve
These have been running in circles in my mind for the past weeks. It has been a question yet a burden to me even up ‘til now. Thoughts put into it, no outcome satisfies me nor initiates any action. I’ve been wondering this and in fact I have been asking myself this question dozens of times,
“Am I going for the challenge? Or am I pursuing my dream?”
To be honest, I really do not know the answer to that. All I know is, I am tempted by such a challenge. I might possibly be up for it only for the challenge. And if that is true, I’d hate myself for it. I’d hate myself for being someone who likes challenges.
A friend of mine once said to me “All you ever care is about yourself”. No matter how I look at it, that sentence sips deeply into me which then only do I realise how selfish I am. Despite the things I do, it doesn’t show much because I’m still selfish in a way. If I am really taking this as just a challenge, I’m being a selfish fool. I will hate myself for the rest of my life for such a trophy is not for me to throw. I don’t want to.
I’ll cherish it for life knowing how to appreciate things that comes only once in a lifetime. I’ll care for it like it’s my last dollar. This is my word and I shall keep it. A dream to pursuit after is what I hope it is. For a want, would be better than a must. In this pursuit, if it is, I’ve taken my steps in fear of not being able to do so again. I have done things I never imagined myself being able to. But as a friend told me “If you are going for the inequitable, you need to be strong first to handle it”. This is because it will most likely have a big impact on yourself. It’s true that guys look all tough and cold on the outside, but actually guys are emotional freaks. They take small matters into account. They tend to think too much which later on causes themselves to have more emotional problems. Guys do have their soft spot at times, they are not always as cold as they seem. It is true that in order to achieve something we want especially when it’s a unilateral want, it requires more of the mind than the heart. If we let the heart do the thinking all of the time, we will most likely end up in another state of depression. We must allow our mind to make the decisions and actions if we want to make this pursuit an easier one. Most of us think using our hearts under certain emotional circumstances which causes most people to think of weird methods to release our stress or sadness.
Lastly, to Yang, ‘trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met’. This I tell you in hopes you know what I’m trying to do. I know you have been trying to get me to stop all this while already but I guess, I’m just too dumb cause I just don’t plan to stop. A challenge or a dream is for me to find out and ‘til I do, I guess I just can’t stop even if I want to.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Im being positive
Its been awhile, since the last time i felt so happy.
Its beyond description now. After so long, finally..happiness beyond happy.
And the main reason is, honestly i don't know either. It just came, again. Sometimes i really wonder why..how come i am always feeling this happy at the times i least expect it. Really, some things just happens at the weirdest moments that make you feel like you're dreaming. When it happens, obviously you feel like your floating. I know happiness like this doesn't last long, but at the moment, its really sips into your soul and whatever happens around you, it seems so positive, seems like another of those 'omg really?' kinda situations. Well, i wonder when will this happiness go away. No clue, time is a bitch. It can drag or drop instantly. I'll go happify myself now.
Its beyond description now. After so long, finally..happiness beyond happy.
And the main reason is, honestly i don't know either. It just came, again. Sometimes i really wonder why..how come i am always feeling this happy at the times i least expect it. Really, some things just happens at the weirdest moments that make you feel like you're dreaming. When it happens, obviously you feel like your floating. I know happiness like this doesn't last long, but at the moment, its really sips into your soul and whatever happens around you, it seems so positive, seems like another of those 'omg really?' kinda situations. Well, i wonder when will this happiness go away. No clue, time is a bitch. It can drag or drop instantly. I'll go happify myself now.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Di-Tagged Oleh Jan
The last person to tag u is:
- Obviously Jan
What relationship of u with him/her:
- Freaking enemies! With me around she is a possible victim of accident :D jkjk lol Friends lah
Your 5 impression towards her:
1. A very open-minded person.
2. Trusts people too much.
3. Too tall to stand beside me =(
4. Definitely pretty.
5. Listens and gives good advices regarding some problems =)
The most memorable thing that he/she has done to you:
- To have met each other. ^^
The most memorable words that he/she said to you:
- "Warren, can you fetch me to college tomorrow?" LOLOLOL
If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
- Become another character in Barbie.hahaha
If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
- Say she is dam thin!
If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on?:
- Her tai-ness. If dis keeps up she'll likely to be the victim of skim cepat kaya.
If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is?:
- I talked til she got into a real accident?
The most desirable thing to do for him/her is?:
- Having enough human petrol to continue crapping so there's no awkward silence
The overall impression of him/her is?
- She's a bad person. ^^ I mean it, she is evil....not.( i hope) XD
How do you think the people around you will feel about you?:
- They will just be asking themselves this " why am i telling him so much?"
The character for yourself is?:
- Ah,,i really dunno.
On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?:
- Like to stress myself out easily.
The most ideal person you want to be is?:
- Warren Buffet. He 'tikam telur' every second aso his money cannot finish.
For the persons who care and like you, say something about them:
- If it weren't for them, obviously i'll be alone?
Ten people to tag:
1. Von
2. Yang
3. Kelvin
4. Aaron
5. Karyn ( sure wont do)
6. Ning
7. Howen
8. Zhi Xiang
9. WinSam
10. Peiying
Who is number 2 having relationship with?
- Honestly?i hope prophecy is strictly obeyed and he goes on with the ace.
Is number 3 a male or female?
- Strictly male. only gay a little.
If number 7 and number 10 be together would it be a good thing?
-Nah!!!cannot happen man thats a no no ad..
How about number 5 and number 8?
-OMG if dat happens its like the clash of titans ad! lolol
What is number 1 studying about?
-accounting.
When was the last time you had a chat with them?
1. Yesterday.
2. Yesterday
3. Yesterday.
4. Few days ago.
5. Quite long ad.
6. Awhile back.
7. Very long d lah
8. Rarely do.
9. Rarely do
10. Was it 2 days ago?
Is number 4 a single?
-yes and no.
Say something about number 2.
- If i were to talk bout him i might need another new post. So in short, he is complicated..and i mean it!
- Obviously Jan
What relationship of u with him/her:
- Freaking enemies! With me around she is a possible victim of accident :D jkjk lol Friends lah
Your 5 impression towards her:
1. A very open-minded person.
2. Trusts people too much.
3. Too tall to stand beside me =(
4. Definitely pretty.
5. Listens and gives good advices regarding some problems =)
The most memorable thing that he/she has done to you:
- To have met each other. ^^
The most memorable words that he/she said to you:
- "Warren, can you fetch me to college tomorrow?" LOLOLOL
If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
- Become another character in Barbie.hahaha
If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
- Say she is dam thin!
If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on?:
- Her tai-ness. If dis keeps up she'll likely to be the victim of skim cepat kaya.
If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is?:
- I talked til she got into a real accident?
The most desirable thing to do for him/her is?:
- Having enough human petrol to continue crapping so there's no awkward silence
The overall impression of him/her is?
- She's a bad person. ^^ I mean it, she is evil....not.( i hope) XD
How do you think the people around you will feel about you?:
- They will just be asking themselves this " why am i telling him so much?"
The character for yourself is?:
- Ah,,i really dunno.
On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?:
- Like to stress myself out easily.
The most ideal person you want to be is?:
- Warren Buffet. He 'tikam telur' every second aso his money cannot finish.
For the persons who care and like you, say something about them:
- If it weren't for them, obviously i'll be alone?
Ten people to tag:
1. Von
2. Yang
3. Kelvin
4. Aaron
5. Karyn ( sure wont do)
6. Ning
7. Howen
8. Zhi Xiang
9. WinSam
10. Peiying
Who is number 2 having relationship with?
- Honestly?i hope prophecy is strictly obeyed and he goes on with the ace.
Is number 3 a male or female?
- Strictly male. only gay a little.
If number 7 and number 10 be together would it be a good thing?
-Nah!!!cannot happen man thats a no no ad..
How about number 5 and number 8?
-OMG if dat happens its like the clash of titans ad! lolol
What is number 1 studying about?
-accounting.
When was the last time you had a chat with them?
1. Yesterday.
2. Yesterday
3. Yesterday.
4. Few days ago.
5. Quite long ad.
6. Awhile back.
7. Very long d lah
8. Rarely do.
9. Rarely do
10. Was it 2 days ago?
Is number 4 a single?
-yes and no.
Say something about number 2.
- If i were to talk bout him i might need another new post. So in short, he is complicated..and i mean it!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
What About Now?
Lately, a brief update.
=.= i shall get to the point which is.. I Cannot Concentrate In Class Anymore.
For God knows why..i really do not know how come i totally cant pay any attention in class. This is really really a big nuisance. I get into class, i sit, gone! My mine wonders off and i totally cant catch a thing thats been taught. SIGH...easily distracted lately. Too much to think lately. Like it has been said, im the epitome of laziness. But lately i think i got myself into a new category of epitome. Epitome of stress. Yeah, dog gone tired plus stress everyday. Doesn't contribute the slightest to a good performance in my studies neither does it in my "other" businesses. Reminding myself of the fact before Moral exam i was already saying " once this is over there would be totally no stress". Hell i think it just got worse then before. I guess i got myself into something i avoided for a while. And to think that my strong commitments would be a good thing i guess its acting more of a liability lately causing an extreme-superb emotional distress and mood swings. For those that see me everyday i am pretty sure you guys noticed. I am sometimes the noisiest yet sometimes a bloody lip-sealed monk. Though it happens in such, i really can't help it. It's not like i want to be so you see. I know you guys will just say " its whether you choose to or not cause its all your actions so it can be decided by you". Well, i'd like to think so but sadly it doesn't go that way. I'm a committed person, over committed perhaps. My strength and weakness. More like a weakness lately, i would put on the face which says " don't come near or i'll have you reaped" just because i think too far. Having massive thoughts of how, when, why , who and what. It all just started recently yet i'm already mentally torturing myself every now and then. For those that have received a taste of my emotional blast all of a sudden, for example, kelvin lim. My greatest apologies. Though you totally understand it yet every time i blast you, it's just gotta be so insulting.
Moving on to the next bloody-annoying-yet-i-still-acknowledge great 'prophecies' of mine. I've been gettin these " I feels" a lot. AND its 98% of the time a negative "i feel". Where has the optimistic me gone to. Maybe its more of a afraid-to-be-disappointed intuition. Since i've been hell traumatized in just few months of my life maybe i developed a self-defence mechanism which prevents me from lifting my hopes up high WHICH i freaking hate cause its totally ruining my sense of happiness. I can barely be happy bout anything lately, more cause theres nothing to be happy about lately except the fact i've did what they call "the MAN" thing but deep inside, i guess i know if i deserved it or not. Its not like i've succeeded anything, its just merely a heavy self-comfort from a brain wrecking, time consuming, pursuasive fighting, credit spamming, guts wrecking night. And a MAN does not lose his words when he is not supposed to. He speaks with guts and courage firmly, instead the person you guys think is so MAN did none of those. Neither did he do it in the way he always wanted to, he barely did anything at all. More like he only contributed to DIGI for slamming numbers.
As you can see, the negative-me is typing now. If not there wouldn't be such negative paragraphs of my recent updates. A positive-me would say " theres this small light of hope and i will do my best to lighten up the source of it" but no, the negative-me overwhelms the better side or more like the 'dreamers' side.
Now, im still confused with what i really want. And i think i have found the answer, me, being a person who likes to take on life challenges, have decided to take this challenge. I shall un-shy you, even if i have limited time left maybe. But if i do have my days here numbered then it shall be spent trying my best to make you feel as comfortable as possible around me. I'd had enough of it for four years. It wasn't good back then and neither is it now. Like i always say, help me help you. I can't do everything on myself. No man is an island..therefore i'll be waiting for you turn to grant me the small favour of helping yourself. The reason you're like this now i do not know. Nevertheless, i would still put my best effort and thought in trying to change you. I sound crazy and sudden i know but seeing you lately has reminded me so much of the past years where we were merely just people who communicate using written messages. I'm tired of it honestly and i'd like to have a change now onwards. I know facing me in reality is much of a chore to u..honestly is isn't easy for me either considering the fact i treat you in such back then. Still, im the male here and i do what i'm supposed to. I'd create the door for you. Tell me when you're ready to go through and i'd be there for you no matter how. We might be kids back then, might have been a mistake to you but to me i never thought of it as one. Back then you didn't acknowledge me. What about now? Don't keep running away now, it doesn't help at all to accomplish what i want. Just so you know, i'd take my chances with you. In brief, i'm having the crush i had upon you 4 years ago. No point hiding it any longer, enough people have realised. I'm walking this road which i stumbled upon before. This time i walk with better knowledge of whats around and whatever ending you provide me with i'd still be satisfied. I may not be the same as i was before, i've changed. For good or for worse is up to you to judge. Our history of beginnings may happen but i will not let the history of our endings occur again.
I take upon this path which i will not back down. I can't even if i want to. Cause of my strength and also my weakness. You can run, i'll chase. I wasn't given the chance to before. Now i am able to, i will. On a different note, regarding the sudden appearance at your doorstep, my apologies if i caused much trouble but thanks nonetheless for stepping out. Like i said, i'll un-shy you. Let me do what i couldn't before.
And oh yeah, Yang, thanks for allowing me to spam you credit. At the end of the day you're still the man.
*edited* Since requested and insisted, thanks entirely to Von. It is with your contribution the agent did not turn away.
p/s : i took the path which has the good and bad grass and whatever i see at the turn of the pathway is unknown yet im curious and i have the feeling..whatever it is, it'll help.
=.= i shall get to the point which is.. I Cannot Concentrate In Class Anymore.
For God knows why..i really do not know how come i totally cant pay any attention in class. This is really really a big nuisance. I get into class, i sit, gone! My mine wonders off and i totally cant catch a thing thats been taught. SIGH...easily distracted lately. Too much to think lately. Like it has been said, im the epitome of laziness. But lately i think i got myself into a new category of epitome. Epitome of stress. Yeah, dog gone tired plus stress everyday. Doesn't contribute the slightest to a good performance in my studies neither does it in my "other" businesses. Reminding myself of the fact before Moral exam i was already saying " once this is over there would be totally no stress". Hell i think it just got worse then before. I guess i got myself into something i avoided for a while. And to think that my strong commitments would be a good thing i guess its acting more of a liability lately causing an extreme-superb emotional distress and mood swings. For those that see me everyday i am pretty sure you guys noticed. I am sometimes the noisiest yet sometimes a bloody lip-sealed monk. Though it happens in such, i really can't help it. It's not like i want to be so you see. I know you guys will just say " its whether you choose to or not cause its all your actions so it can be decided by you". Well, i'd like to think so but sadly it doesn't go that way. I'm a committed person, over committed perhaps. My strength and weakness. More like a weakness lately, i would put on the face which says " don't come near or i'll have you reaped" just because i think too far. Having massive thoughts of how, when, why , who and what. It all just started recently yet i'm already mentally torturing myself every now and then. For those that have received a taste of my emotional blast all of a sudden, for example, kelvin lim. My greatest apologies. Though you totally understand it yet every time i blast you, it's just gotta be so insulting.
Moving on to the next bloody-annoying-yet-i-still-acknowledge great 'prophecies' of mine. I've been gettin these " I feels" a lot. AND its 98% of the time a negative "i feel". Where has the optimistic me gone to. Maybe its more of a afraid-to-be-disappointed intuition. Since i've been hell traumatized in just few months of my life maybe i developed a self-defence mechanism which prevents me from lifting my hopes up high WHICH i freaking hate cause its totally ruining my sense of happiness. I can barely be happy bout anything lately, more cause theres nothing to be happy about lately except the fact i've did what they call "the MAN" thing but deep inside, i guess i know if i deserved it or not. Its not like i've succeeded anything, its just merely a heavy self-comfort from a brain wrecking, time consuming, pursuasive fighting, credit spamming, guts wrecking night. And a MAN does not lose his words when he is not supposed to. He speaks with guts and courage firmly, instead the person you guys think is so MAN did none of those. Neither did he do it in the way he always wanted to, he barely did anything at all. More like he only contributed to DIGI for slamming numbers.
As you can see, the negative-me is typing now. If not there wouldn't be such negative paragraphs of my recent updates. A positive-me would say " theres this small light of hope and i will do my best to lighten up the source of it" but no, the negative-me overwhelms the better side or more like the 'dreamers' side.
Now, im still confused with what i really want. And i think i have found the answer, me, being a person who likes to take on life challenges, have decided to take this challenge. I shall un-shy you, even if i have limited time left maybe. But if i do have my days here numbered then it shall be spent trying my best to make you feel as comfortable as possible around me. I'd had enough of it for four years. It wasn't good back then and neither is it now. Like i always say, help me help you. I can't do everything on myself. No man is an island..therefore i'll be waiting for you turn to grant me the small favour of helping yourself. The reason you're like this now i do not know. Nevertheless, i would still put my best effort and thought in trying to change you. I sound crazy and sudden i know but seeing you lately has reminded me so much of the past years where we were merely just people who communicate using written messages. I'm tired of it honestly and i'd like to have a change now onwards. I know facing me in reality is much of a chore to u..honestly is isn't easy for me either considering the fact i treat you in such back then. Still, im the male here and i do what i'm supposed to. I'd create the door for you. Tell me when you're ready to go through and i'd be there for you no matter how. We might be kids back then, might have been a mistake to you but to me i never thought of it as one. Back then you didn't acknowledge me. What about now? Don't keep running away now, it doesn't help at all to accomplish what i want. Just so you know, i'd take my chances with you. In brief, i'm having the crush i had upon you 4 years ago. No point hiding it any longer, enough people have realised. I'm walking this road which i stumbled upon before. This time i walk with better knowledge of whats around and whatever ending you provide me with i'd still be satisfied. I may not be the same as i was before, i've changed. For good or for worse is up to you to judge. Our history of beginnings may happen but i will not let the history of our endings occur again.
I take upon this path which i will not back down. I can't even if i want to. Cause of my strength and also my weakness. You can run, i'll chase. I wasn't given the chance to before. Now i am able to, i will. On a different note, regarding the sudden appearance at your doorstep, my apologies if i caused much trouble but thanks nonetheless for stepping out. Like i said, i'll un-shy you. Let me do what i couldn't before.
And oh yeah, Yang, thanks for allowing me to spam you credit. At the end of the day you're still the man.
*edited* Since requested and insisted, thanks entirely to Von. It is with your contribution the agent did not turn away.
p/s : i took the path which has the good and bad grass and whatever i see at the turn of the pathway is unknown yet im curious and i have the feeling..whatever it is, it'll help.
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