You , Me , Us

My heart still belongs to you.

Its has always been taken by you.
I liked you.
I tried to let go.

I managed to.

But, then i fell in love with you again.

Its like someone pushed the restart button.

This time it began even better then before.
I liked you.
There were no hangs or lags.

It was smooth.Too smooth to be true.

It shook me for a moment.

Did all the 'awkwardness' just disappear?

Or was it merely shoved aside once more?

Was it ignored just to reduce the barrier between us?

Which ever it was.I'm glad it happened.
I liked you.
Cause this time i fell for you.

Im not gonna let go. I was dumb and foolish to have did.

I really was 'stupid' to do that.

And i'll remain 'stupid' still.
I still liked you.
If being too nice is a sin.

I don't wanna be right.

If its what i have to do to make you smile.

I'll go to hell for it.
Cause I really liked you.
Even if it scars me, i'll give you that moment of happiness and laughter.

Even if it makes you guilty, i'll still make it a laughing matter.

Cause you're like that.

Potential to be happy is overwhelming in you.

I just like to dig it out.

Cause even when i am not in the mood the smile.

I laugh deep inside when i see you happy.
I liked you even more.
You torn me apart countless times.

You whine..like a kid :D

You complain..like a 70 year old grandma :P

You SNORE...like my dad ( LOL)

Yet we both know thats what broke down the walls separating us.
Which changed how i felt about you.
History rich in the highest zeniths and lowest nadirs that i could endure.

We met in a strange way in which i removed the chair from beside me so that you wont sit.

We got close in a strange way, tuition in december.( who does that)

I fell for you in the strangest way

Cause you're so adorable like that.

But i was never suitable for you.

Then, we separated for a moment there. 3 months due to NS.
I still did like you.
It took its toll on me.

And thanks to you i got myself addicted to Ruang Rindu and A1.

It still reminds me of you so much when i listen to it.

Then, the bars between us build up.

So much i can barely see you anymore, physically and mentally.

3 months later, even after you returned. Barriers were to big for us even as friends.
But i still liked you.
It just began with me wondering what were you studying in INTI.

Was it a spark that made me send that message?

It just came all of a sudden.

It was right then we started once again.

Then, so much happened even since.

I sinned for taking you to a club.

Guilty for being the cause of your lost handphone.

Which then caused myself to have to listen to the '3 hours' of cute-guy talk.

It did hurt. But i felt useful. Being there for you and all.
Cause I liked you.
Then, the next time. It didn't turn out well.

You got out of hand perhaps.

I felt useless.

I could not think clearly as to how am i even able to help you with that matter.

A break down. For another. Took a big chunk off my soul.
Yaya I liked you.
Not long later, i did tell you how much i liked you.

And that very moment, fear, anxiety, but you took it all away.

You just have that in you to make me laugh even though its the most awkward conversation we ever had.

How often do you hear someone laughing 10 seconds later after the guy confessed.

And the worse part is the girl is using it on you.

Cant help thinking bout that day. It defines happiness.

Although i was still not suitable for you.
But I started to like you more.
We both took our own 'stupid' path.

Yet, it tore apart so quick.

I created a big concrete wall between us.

Such awkwardness, which totally blocked out the both of us.

It was horrible, i would say the worst day we ever had.

Everything changed from then onwards.

We were never the same.

Things gone from bad to worse as time passes.

Until one day, we talked.

Started with arguing...ended with laughing.( i love this :D)
It made me like you more.
Everything started to turn out better from then onwards.

Though you told me not to wait.

I just did what i think is right or what i should do.

We were alright, better then that actually.

And then so much happened once again. This time the hectic life.

Dances and all. Tests for you.

But even in such a hectic situation we managed to continue with the apartment stay programme.

I made a mistake there, you were there for me to spill.

You just knew how to do it. Even though you have to guess to make me talk.

I fell in love with you over again.

Our awkwardness disapppeared.

We got close once again. Too close til i had to take claws for it :D

I had you. As a very close friend.

Now i have you more then a friend but less than a lover.

Its right in between. But im so glad and happy we got through so much together.

Lately, i've been spending quite some time with you. Even after the performance i still could see you cause you are my teacher after all :D

Then, for the weekend. You were away and i was busy. Sorry for not being able to accompany you much.

I said i will tell you when the stress is over. I will

Gimme that chance to tell and i definitely will.
Cause now i dont like you.
Cause everytime i look into your eyes. I know somethings there that i can have.

Something i tried to but couldn't succeed.

Something i desired and still desiring.

Something that keeps me smiling from day to day.

Something that i am still waiting for even though you said it was not worth it.

Cause i thought otherwise.

So yeah i am still waiting whether you realised it or not.

I love you.